Firstly, let me paint a picture for you of my hair…
It’s very thick, frizzy and curly and before this hair cut, was very long….when I blow dry it…Monica Geller in Barbados has nothing on me!
So why do I hate going to the hair dressers so much…let me share my thoughts with you all…
Entering The Salon
Whenever I enter a hair dressers and sit initially in the chair and unleash my hair I have to go through the obligatory explanation….although I do always straighten my mane so they aren’t fully aware of its volume just yet. Once I have explained they begin to change the way they look at me…I begin to feel like an unknown exotic animal has entered their salon.
The Hair Wash
Most people think YAY free head massage and nice smelly products….I however do not! Once my hair is fully soaked the sheer weight of it begins to start causing my neck pain and with each moment the weight just gets worse. With each step shampoo…pain…rinse…pain….conditioner…pain…massage…pain…rinse. By the end my poor neck is straining so much my stomach muscles creep into action to try and help ease the pain. So whilst most people feel all relaxed after this experience I can’t wait to get my ass out of the chair to rest my poor neck!
The Small Talk
I’m not the most forthcoming when it comes to my private life and am quite happy to be sitting in the chair and be ignored but NO it’s obligatory in any hair dressers to indulge in ‘small talk’. What’s your job? Have you got a boyfriend? How many children? How old are you? The list is endless and by the end of it I feel well and truly interrogated. But what I hate even more is when they realise you don’t want to talk and instead jabber on for the next 30 minutes about their own life…I DON’T CARE!!!
The Hair Assessment
Right so this is when they start cutting and finally realise the full extent of the mass that is my hair. Again this is another interrogation which by the end of it I’m exhausted by…
“Yes my hair is in poor condition lady I’m lazy and can’t be assed with it!”
“Yes I know it’s thick…I’m the one who gets suffocated by it on a daily basis after hair drying and sleeping!”
“Yes it really is this curly and no I don’t want to use a wand to give the curls a softer look!”
“No I don’t put product in it when I’m straightening it and yes I know it’s really bad that I don’t!”
And this time I had to put up with…
“When did you last get it cut?”
To which I sheepishly replied “When I was away travelling…they didn’t really know what they were doing”….I obviously didn’t admit that it was me who cut it following the advice of a Youtube video I foolishly believed would give me layers… I followed the instructions…brush hair up until you get a unicorn pony tail….then get your scissors-granted all I had was small toenail scissors but hey what you gonna do…then cut the end of your ponytail off (this was like trying to cut wood with a butter knife!) and then trim it down so when you hold the end it looks like a round make up brush…doesn’t sound that bad does it…well Hannah home cut never again I tell you!!
I then had to cope with the lady constantly questioning me about the previous cut…
“Did you not see what they doing?” “One side is so much shorter” “Its’ been cut really badly” “I can’t believe they did this to your hair”-I KNOW!!!!! Come on lady please let it drop…I could feel myself filling with more and more embarrassment as the conversation went on!
I can safely say in all my 24 years of life I have only once come out of a hair salon happy…this is probably due to me more than the salon but my hair does cause issues with styling and certain styles. As the hair dresser shows me the back and sides I smile sweetly and then proceed to bitch about her all the way home….
PLEASE NOTE: I have not put any photos of my real hair up…this is due to me deleting any photographic evidence anyone has of it in all its glory!