A Girls Guide To Shopping

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Alarm goes off at 7am…you get up and try on the outfit you planned last night, it probably involves heels, a cute coat maybe even a scarf and lots of jewellery. Outfit on-you then realise you are going SHOPPING!! Outfit rethink….Sensible coat…no to scarf…and too much jewellery could result in choking when trying on clothes or being left behind in changing rooms and heels-are you kidding me?!

Second attempt at outfit….jeans-the ones that have that stretch in them as your body will expand throughout the shopping trip…top that is plain and goes with most things, cardigan is better than jumper as you can still get some airflow to the body…coat…simple this is England and chances are it will rain at some point. Shoes, these need to be comfy as chances are you will be on them for around 8 hours.

You have arrived at the car park at 9:30am…. holy crap its queue city….yes you’re British so you can handle a queue or two but car park queues are the worst! The levels are constantly tormenting you with no spaces and annoying cars reversing or being dithering fools. The higher you go up the levels the sicker you feel as you know at the end of the day the chances of walking up to your car will probably involve the stairs as lifts are always full of buggy’s and children…not sure which is worse at the end of a shopping trip. You finally find a spot….top level and now it’s raining and you’re not undercover! Run as fast as you can to the first shop!

It’s now 10am and shops are quickly filling up with people….I follow the method which involves starting with the most expensive shop and then saving Primarni until the end. So I start with Topshop you breeze around it oohhing and aahing at the beautiful clothes until you make the fatal mistake of checking a price tag and squealing…who pays £16 for a plain t-shirt…you then drift by the sale rail and gaze at the jewellery until you realize you need to move on, you have cash to spend and you want it go to further than two tops!

You contemplate going into River Island…but I always associate this shop with “going out” clobber and as it’s so cold and miserable outside its better to stay inside after dark at the moment.

Next stop is New Look. As you casually browse around you still feel the pang of annoyance at the prices….the sale rail will probably get a look in but the store has started to get crowded and you have had your foot run over by a buggy twice already. As you see something in your price range which looks nice on (you haven’t braved the changing rooms yet so you were the strange person putting a top on over another top in the corner) but to your horror you look over at the till and see the never-ending queue….you drop the top and leave the store swiftly!

It’s now around 12pm and your stomach is telling you its lunch time….you have two options queue or sarnie from Boots….I go for sarnie from Boots, stand outside the shop…munch, then off again….grabbing two bottles of juice-you know what’s coming!

H&M is the next store and this is a lot quieter and people seem a lot more mild mannered here…you look through the sections…work wear…casual and then young adult (this section leaves you with two thoughts 1. the clothes are cheaper-yay! or 2. Can I still pull off that crop top?! Because this store is a lot more cash friendly you take a substantial amount into the changing room….H&M can have odd sizing so depending on what you selected, you either come out feeling great or feeling fat.

You end up buying a few items and suddenly are feeling great and positive.

Last shop of the day is Primarni….it’s only 2pm and you have plenty of time to casually browse the store…4 hours to be precise. You always grab a basket- let’s not be stupid here! As you browse the rails quickly and out of nowhere your basket becomes very heavy and very full! You chose a good time to come here as most people are having lunch and although it’s quite full its nowhere near crazy stage…yet! Having only browsed half the store you realise you need to try some stuff on and play the eliminate or great, game….”Sorry maximum items into the changing rooms is 8”….what?! You have around 16 items to try on so it looks like two trips.

The stall is small…the heating is on full blast. You probably look good in about 2 things and are pissed off as the sizing is all over the place and you probably walked in with a size 18 item even though the hanger said size 10! Next you swap over the clothes for your next run….this is where the heat is really kicking in and that juice you bought comes in very handy. Your hair has probably grown twice in size at this point, make up… well it’s gone and everything is getting tighter as your body is swelling!

You finally make it out alive and now have the rest of the shop to browse…it’s around 3:30pm so it’s getting quite busy now with other people. You make it round the clothes, browse the jewellery (you can never have too many rings right?!) and the token gesture underwear browse where you probably grab a few more pairs of socks just in case! Finally you make it to the shoe department and its crazy down here…shoes are everywhere and it smells not too rosy. Also some crazy person has tried to run over a shoe pile with a buggy and it is now wedged with the child screaming inside! After rummaging around trying to find matching pairs of shoes you finally find a few and try them on….you pick a few heels as well as you never know!

Bing Bong “The store is closing in 30 minutes please make your way to the nearest checkout”….what?  How did that happen?? Am I in some crazy time warp how could I have been here for 3.5 hours?? OK it’s time to make some decisions….run to a corner and explode the basket….eliminate the items you really can live without and then add up the items – you want to check you haven’t blown the budget….OK you have gone over budge by £50 but look how many items you have! You find the nearest till…yep another queue….finally you pay and make it out alive.

Feet throbbing, sweating, you look a mess and now you have to climb the stairs to reach your car! To top it off those bloody Primarni bags are weighing you down! The first few floors were fine but now your knees are burning, thighs throbbing and arms aching….you make it finally to your floor, dive into your car and off home you go….arriving home it’s obvious your hard days work has taken its toll and a well earned take away is much needed…just think of all the calories you burned on the way up those stairs to your car! A successful day!

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